So, nobody expected a magnanimous Republican Party to come out singing Kumbayah or offering healing circles for those who suffered under the last eight years of Dubya. What was amazing, however, was their ability to act as if the term “Washington is broken” doesn’t mean “the Bush administration has screwed things up beyond belief.” The basic logic that the people who are in charge are responsible for whatever failings currently exist in our federal government somehow escaped all of them… talk about lapses in judgment. What I find most perplexing is that a large swath of Americans will actually buy it. Somehow, they want you to believe that these white rich guys are actually your buddies looking out for you against the (favorite byword of the day) “liberal elites.” The truth is, Huckabee, Romney, and Giuliani do scare me. They peddle fear better than anyone since Bush and Cheney. In fact, through those three speeches I kept looking back over my shoulder–convinced that either an Islamic terrorist, an inexperienced politician, or an illegal immigrant was gonna jump me (I survived, but don’t think I’m gonna go unprotected like that again, no sir! http://www.assaultriflesrus.com here I come!). While the hypocrisy, distortions, and out-right lies were too numerous to count, here are a few of my favorite “no, we haven’t been in power for the last eight years… that was some other Republican Party, yeah… that’s the ticket!” moments.
1. Romney: “You see, Washington has been looking to the eastern elites…” This is a bad thing says the man worth over $250 million from Massachusetts? Ah, well then I guess we don’t need to worry about you running again in 2012.
2. Romney: “Change comes from the west! Arizona and Alaska” (but not Texas… nope, that’s not the West. No change there.)
3. Romney: “Is Washington now liberal or conservative?” Does he read the paper? See, there’s this guy named George Bush, and he’s pretty darn’d conservative. You know, I really shouldn’t have to tell you this, he’s been there for a while now.
4. Romney: “Is a congress liberal or conservative that stops nuclear power plants and off-shore drilling making us more dependent on middle-eastern tyrants?” Umm, again, news you should have known, the ban on off-shore drilling was an executive order by George H. W. Bush a few years back… so I guess it’s actually conservative, not liberal. To quote an earlier version of Romney, “facts are stubborn things.” Perhaps he should look them up now and again.
5. Romney: “Is government spending, putting aside inflation, liberal or conservative if it doubles since 1980? It’s liberal!!” Again from the office of “things you should probably know if you ran for president,” since 1980 the White House has been occupied by a Republican for 20 of those 28 years… To quote The Princess Bride, Mr. Romney, I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.
6. Romney: “We have a prescription for everyone who wants change in Washington: throw out the big government liberals and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin.” Ok, so you have to follow Romney’s logic pretty closely. First, McCain and Palin are running for President and Vice President, so whoever you throw out for them to replace must be “big government liberals.” Second, Bush and Cheney currently hold the positions that McCain and Palin would take. Therefore, Bush and Cheney must be “big government liberals”! Wow, who knew? What’s more, since the only way to throw Bush and Cheney out is to impeach them, I do believe Mr. Romney has joined the rising calls to impeach Bush. Whoda thunkit? See America? You can learn something new if you just pay attention.
7. Romney: “America cannot long lead the family of nations if we fail the family here at home… Err, oops. Didn’t white that out, sorry Sarah.” Ok, I added that last part, sue me.
8. Romney: “You know, it’s time for the party of Big Ideas, not the party of Big Brother.” See, this is the short-term memory loss thing. There was this news story a little while ago about domestic wire tapping and telecom corporation helping the Bush administration spy on American citizens without a warrant. It was kinda a big deal. Perhaps they didn’t cover it on Fox News, so Romney has an excuse for missing it.
9. Romney: “Our economy is under attack. China’s acting like Adam Smith on steroids…” Ok, HUGE props to him for putting the image of Adam Smith shooting up and getting ripped in my mind, but I wonder if he didn’t talk over his audience just a bit. He almost, kinda, just a smidgeon, sounded kind of intelligent and well read. Isn’t that (warning, dirty word ahead) elitist?
10. Romney: “Our economy slowed down this year and a lot of people are hurting. What happened? Mortgage money was handed out like candy and speculators bought homes for free. [made possible by government deregulation pushed through by Republicans]… and stratospheric gas prices made things even worse [a combination of the political instability in the middle-east because of the Iraq war and speculators in the oil futures markets, who have also been deregulated]” See, this is what I’m talking about. The Republicans cause a laundry list of problems, and then get up with a straight face and tell us they have the solution to them. I mean, if it weren’t so terrifying (one sec, gotta check the closets for Islamic terrorists…. ok, I’m clear for now), it would be funny.
11. Delegates: Chanting “ZE-RO, ZE-RO, ZE-RO!” when the speakers talked about experience. The problem was that they kinda did it at the wrong queue and ended up chanting “ZE-RO” when the speaker was talking about Gov. Palin’s experience.
12. “Country First” Oohhhkaaaayy, McCain puts country first. Obama, on the other hand, is just in it for power an fame, of course. Talk about petty. What’s worse, however, is that it’s a lie. After his failed bid for the White House in 2000, in his book Worth Fighting For, McCain wrote, “I didn’t decide to run for president to start a national crusade for the political reforms I believed in or to run a campaign as if it were some grand act of patriotism. In truth, I wanted to be president because it had become my ambition to be president . . . In truth, I’d had the ambition for a long time. ” For the love of GOD man, quit disparaging the motivations of others when yours are so transparently self-interested.
13.Guiliani: “[Obama] worked as a community organizer… *snicker* what? *more snicker*” Umm, see when people are in need and they can’t help themselves they can get together and work for the common good. As Guliani was technically a “public servant,” I would hope this basic civics lesson would be something he had already figured out. Ah well.
14. Delegates: Laughing at the thought that someone would work to better their community and not just to make themselves rich. I mean, damn, that’s just stupid, right? Who would so such a thing?
15. Guiliani: “[Obama] got elected to the state legislature. And, nearly 130 times, he couldn’t make a decision. He couldn’t figure out whether to vote ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ It was too tough! He voted ‘present’! … For president of the United States it’s not good enough to be ‘present.’ You have to make a decision.” John McCain, Mr. Decisive himself, voted “Not Voting” either because he was absent from the congress or because he chose to abstain 407 times in 2008 ALONE! Let me spell that out so you can see just how freaking disingenuous Guiliani is being: McCain voted the U.S. Senate equivalent of ‘present’ FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVEN times in a SINGLE SESSION of congress. That, my friends, is NOT change I can believe in.
16. Finally, can we have enough with the asinine assertion that “executive” experience is so much better than legislative experience? It’s a logic stretched so thin it’s transparent (at least lets hope). The great irony is that the Republicans can only use the “executive experience over legislative experience” argument to try and justify the selection of (dare I say it?) a symbol by disparaging their own presidential candidate and undercutting McCain’s sole line of attack against Obama. Just own up to the fact that Palin, who is likely a lovely person and a good mother, has had a whole 20 months of service in any position even remotely pertinent to the job of President of the United States. She got the nomination for two reasons: she’s a woman and she’s a raging conservative that will placate a party nearing revolt. The Republicans had two ex-governors and the mayor of the largest city in the US running for their nomination and they chose a senator, but now they’re all about “executive experience”? *cough* *cough* bull *cough* s@#t *cough* (works better verbally)
So there you have it. A quick run down of a national convention that wallows in hypocrisy, laughs at people who are interested in bettering their community, ignores the fact that if Washington is broken, then they’re the bastards who broke it, and who really, really want you to buy that Sarah Palin is qualified to run the US if, heaven forbid, a 72 year old multi-cancer surviver ever meets an untimely death.